The D/s Dynamic, and The Illusion of Ownership

It is sometimes debated in the BDSM circles as to whether 'ownership' is possible, or not. Submissive claim that they want to be totally owned by their Doms, and many Doms claim that will not take a submissive that they cannot 'own'. This is a flawed perception of the lifestyle.

Is it possible to be owned, or to truly own another? Even in a slavery situation, does the master truly own the slave? Can the master make the slave stop thinking, as he can make a radio stop playing? Can the master make a slave stop feeling emotions, as he would turn a television set off? If not, then can there be true ownwership? And, even if it were possible to do so, wouild that even be submission anymore?

In my mind, Dominance is not an issue of ownership... it's an issue of taking control that is given, and using it well. When that control is given and mis-used, that is not Dominance, but irresponsibility. When the control is taken without consent, that's rape. When control is given, and used correctly, that is Dominance, and it is the only way that submission comes to fruit.

Which begs the question, 'What is submission?'

Is it kneeling before your Master, waiting for Him to punish you? Is it is waiting in the kneeling position for whenever He needs you? Is it intuitively doing the things that you know will please Him? I don't think it's any of these things. Submission is not a state of mind, but an action that one chooses to take. In my opinion, that's what makes it so beautiful.

I know that many of you 'natural' submissives will disagree with me, saying that you could not help but be submissive, that you just naturally capitulate to the demands of an Authority. I'm sorry, that's not a submissive, that's a sycophant. The true submissive submits as a choice, purposefully giving the reigns away to Another.

What is Dominance, if you own the thing you are 'dominating'? Is it domination to abuse your DVD player? No, because the owned object has no choice in the matter. If I were to own a person, and abuse them, then that simply makes me a bad steward of the things I own, and not in any way dominant. If I inflict pain simply because I can, then I am not dominant, but sadistic. On the other hand, the submissive that kneels before me, when she knows she has free will to stand and walk away, will take what I have to give her, and ask for more, becuase she WANTS to choose to take the pain for me, as a gift, as a proof of her dedication to me.

However, the illusion of ownership is important. For the Dom and the sub both, the idea of ownership is necessary. The power dynamic is one of giving up one's power to another, so the illusion of ownership must be crafted for the dynamic to take hold. Maybe you don't like to hear that your relationship is based on an illusion. Sorry... the simple fact of the matter is that we craft illusions daily in order to better enjoy our day. Anytime you start your car without thinking that you might be in a crash, you have crafted the illusion of safety. Anytime you put money into a bank account, you have created the illision of security. Anytime you grab a burger at McDonald's, you have created the illusion of having had a meal.

Illusions are necessary, because we as human beings are dual creatures, both creatures of passion and creatures of reason. We need both of these to be balanced, and there are times that our passions and our reason go so opposite from one another that a bridge is required. Our illisions are this bridge, granting us the ability to reconcile our passions with our reasonable mind.